Oct 31, 2019
The narcissistic mothers is a special breed. Each narcissistic mother is unique as an individual but their characterlogical traits are commonly identifiable. Outstanding traits include emotional coldness and distance, a complete lack of empathy, extreme sense of entitlement, faulty psychological boundaries which mean a disrespect for the individuality of their children, highly controlling and manipulative. Some narcissistic mothers remind me of military field commanders---shouting out orders, making constant demands, humiliating those who don't jump to the sound of their voice.
The infant and small child thrive in an environment of affection, warmth, tolerance and acceptance. Psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott coined the term "maternal preoccupation" to describe the necessary attention and ministration that a "good enough" mothers must pay to the infant in order for this person to thrive physically and psychologically.
With a narcissistic mother there is neither maternal preoccupation nor an adequate holding environment. She goes through the motions but her attention is elsewhere, on herself. She is bored, restless, enraged, distracted, annoyed, emotionally distant, aggravated with a helpless creature that is constantly making demands on her attention.
Children of narcissistic mothers grieve for the mother they never had. The mother wound cuts deep and painfully.
Some adult children of narcissistic mother seek to now the truth of their pain and follow its source to recovery and healing. I give them so much credit for their perseverance and courage.
Practice self care daily - get sleep and rest, eat nourishing food, hydrate, move and exercise for becoming calmer, for anxiety and depression, develop your own form of meditation and mindfulness, listen to beautiful music, follow your creative flow.