Aug 31, 2021
You made a secret deal with yourself. If you keep giving the high level narcissist a pass on his/her lying by omission and commission he will stay with you---you will not be abandoned! It is very difficult reveal to ourselves that we have been so desperate to have gone against our own well being. The fear of abandonment is overwhelming for many individuals who are involved with narcissistic personalities. Traumatized as children by a narcissistic mother or father, they were treated with coldness and cruelty, disdain and even disgust.
Even when this child behaves perfectly, this is not sufficient for the narcissistic parent to offer warmth, acceptance and caring. You cannot be good enough for a person with this kind of character disorder. The child of the narcissistic parent is psychologically and emotionally abandoned
When the adult child of a narcissistic parent marries a narcissist this pattern continues. The narcissist demands perfection from you.
Since they don't have a fully developed conscience it is easy for them to keep you from knowing about their secret lives. You want to believe the high level's lies. This is not your fault. It is the result of the psychological trauma you experienced as the abused abandoned child of your narcissistic parent.
Years, decades go by and you are still fighting yourself and remain with the high level narcissist. You have chronic insomnia, digestive disorder, you are constantly in a state of fight or flight, the sympathetic nervous system mode.
Finally, you recognize fully the true nature of the high level narcissist, that these are fixed personality disorders that do not change, that you must separate yourself from the high level narcissist to rescue your true original self, to restore your psychological, emotional and physical vitality and the use of your creative gifts. I give you tremendous credit for moving forward. I honor your insights, research, your fine character, psychological and emotional grounding, your unique creative gifts.