Aug 29, 2021
You watch them make their entrances at prestigious private events---their overall "look" is impeccable. There are no flaws anywhere that you would discover even with an illumination device. You ask yourself: "How could anyone be that perfect?" Attention to detail is over the top. Like a perfect film set there is nothing out of place ever. Everything is focused on his image, entitlements, raw power, significant money making contacts, schemes and ruses for climbing to the summits of power and material largesse.
The high level narcissist habitually shifts blame on to you when he/she is at fault and has caused you psychological and emotional pain. This is not your fault. Narcissists never take responsibility for their multiple transgressions. They are incapable of empathy or a developed conscience.
You hear echoes of your role as the outcast in your family of origin. In this pathological family dynamics you were wrong from the beginning.
High level don't want you to be fully yourself as an individual; after all you would have a mind completely of your own and be unwilling to obey and tow the line to their overextended egos. They insist that you play their games and not take the initiative in important matters.
In the beginning the days are exciting; everything is magical.
There is a time when torrents of narcissistic psychopathology rain on you nonstop. The air is thick with the narcissist's recriminations, criticisms, accusations, ugly projections, flagrant lies. You feel the adrenaline running through your sympathetic nervous system during the day and especially at night. You cannot sleep; you are under siege. The dark shadow of the high level takes its toll on your psychological and emotional reserves. Chronic insomnia becomes part of your long nights.
There is a time of awakening when you recognize after much research and insight that you can no longer remain in this toxic non relationship with the high level narcissist.
You are moving forward now, knowing that you can reconstitute yourself as an independent, creative, calmer, grounded individual You feel a sense of peace and wholeness moving inside now. This is your day and time, your moment. Give yourself great credit for the complex and arduous journey you are making. Straight forward you go, seeking truth, wisdom, solitude, beauty, mutual trust and the full use of all of your unique creative gifts.